What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
