I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
