This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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