i will never coherently bang her
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
