I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
