im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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