Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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