i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
