I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
