4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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