Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
do herpes really smell.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
