I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
