I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
