Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
