Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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