When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
