I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I met the friendliest cop last night
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
