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• (310): View more from California

  and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room

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• (801): View more from Utah

  You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.

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• (386): View more from Florida

  It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.

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• (254): View more from Texas

  There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?

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• (937): View more from Ohio

  I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy

  (1-832): View more from Houston, Texas

  you suck at sexting

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• (206): View more from Washington

  a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done

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• (210): View more from Texas

  what is considered shitting yourself?

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.

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• (415): View more from California

  Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.

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