So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Is Oprah even human
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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