Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
from now on my penis is your penis
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
