It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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