YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
