flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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