i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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