you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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