I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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