I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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