Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
