How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
