If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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