so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
