Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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