Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
