Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
