I wish my penis had an off switch
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
