I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
