i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
