Moan for me like Helen Keller
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
