Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
