I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize