And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize