I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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