miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
