the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
