my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
