Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We are all done wearing pants today
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
