it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
