I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
