She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize