Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
