hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize