mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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