i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
