just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Say something about gay babies.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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