So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
And then he peed in my hair
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