In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
