you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
