Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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