You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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