If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Someone came in the potted fern
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
