She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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