none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
