my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
