Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
