the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
