"it" just moved
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
