Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
