Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
