Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
