I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
