Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
