Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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